"Now, Alice is gone, but I'm still here. And you know I've been waiting twenty four years..."

So....who exactly the f*** is Alice?

I mean, get this....some jackass waits twenty-four bloody years pining for a chick (24 years! what a waste! The Suez Canal took half that time to finish!) without (evidently) asking her out (the lyrics, m'lords, do not reflect petitioner displaying such conduct) or even, well, hinting re: his feelings to the "Alice" in question (no expression of interest is to be found, m'lords, not even a smidgen)....and then wails his frigging lungs out when she waltzes off into the sunset in a big ol' limo....

So, let's see now, the both of you:

(1) grew up together (well, she, quite obviously, was the only one who grew out);
(2) played hopscotch or spin the bottle or whatever as kids;
(3) hell, even carved your initials "in the bark" [poor tree...I wish people would stop carving stuff on them...humans like tattoos, cattle likes (I think) being branded....trees do not appreciate random artwork / attempts at calligraphy on their selves!]

.....and you still kept mum?! An over-cautious loser like me only takes about 3 months to, you know, spill the beans (of course, it usually never gets me anywhere except the doghouse).

And now, when the woman finally decides "Hell, this here hick town's dead...I'm gonna get me one of them wawl street baynkers and mosey on outta heah", you start to complain(actually...mutter, mumble and weep).

And now you're left with "Sally", who's an even bigger dimbulb than you are, because she's obviously waited twenty years to get into your pants!!!

This is all so Archie Digest......Ron Lodge walks off with Daddy Lodge's investment banker protege, leaving Betty Blooper (or was it Cooper?) to massage A. Andrews, Esq's bruised soul (and other things, if she's lucky).....

Screw you....you deserve it...you sit on your arse when two decades worth of chances are being literally thrown at you like so much toilet paper (?! um..never mind)....stop boo-hooing over it....here's 3 words for you...."MOVE TO A NEW TOWN" (uh..ok....that's 4 words...big deal)...

[ok....I don't really have anything against "Living Next Door To Alice" (except a .357 Magnum, maybe).....it's just painful to listen to it immediately after 2 hours of Pink Floyd and Porcupine Tree]

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