We’re all on the road to Hell and that’s Route 666

“Many phenomena - wars, plagues, sudden audits - have been advanced as evidence for the hidden hand of Satan in the affairs of Man, but whenever students of demonology get together, the M25 London orbital motorway is generally agreed to be among the top contenders for exhibit A”

Good Omens – Terry Pratchett/Neil Gaiman

Rob Halford and Bon Scott and the boys (and other persons of similar ilk) have sung much about it. Messrs. Pratchett and Gaiman credited its creation to my namesake (Anthony Crowley). And today I saw it with my own eyes.

The Highway to Hell.

Ok, so it’s not really a highway in the literal sense. But it does pass through some of the more happening places in town, and is, therefore, a bit arterial in significance. This road used to be one of Delhi’s most choked roads till about a decade back. Then the Supreme Court stepped in with CNG fueled public transportation and stricter road-safety norms and whatnot, and this road, with a lot of other roads in Delhi, unclogged itself (though it staunchly refused to part with its potholes. After all bhai, reputation naam ki cheez hoti hai ki nahin?)

And so the general populace suffered this wide-open road till, a few months back, an angel in the Delhi Government (I shall refrain from giving out his/her name, primarily because I don’t have it) decided that our buses needed their own little road to tool around on. And so was born the abortion, which we have all come to know as the BRT (Bus Rapid Transit) Corridor.

This ingenious concept involves splitting up an already narrow road into 3 lanes divided by 8-inch high concrete barriers. One of these lanes is meant only for buses, one only for cars, and the third one for cyclists, scooterists and other lesser mortals. This translates into a road network so diabolically chaotic, that even the most evil and wily Al-Qaeda mastermind couldn’t have thunk up anything close to it in a million years.

We now have bus-stops in the middle of the road, as opposed to on the side, so that the average pedestrian is 10 times more prone to getting mown down by traffic than he already was. A single broken-down car or bus or auto-rickshaw can and will (and FUCKING DID TODAY) cause a 2 mile-long traffic snarl. Delhi motorists, being Delhi motorists, cannot comprehend or appreciate the niceties of sticking to a particular lane, and very naturally must try and drive their cars over the lane separators. Unfortunately for them, they forget that this isn’t a grassy verge they’re trying to surmount. It’s a barricade. It’s higher than the length of the average male organ. It’s also made of concrete. It damages suspensions and undercarriages of most cars.

So, there’s even more broken down cars. Which leads to what? Hehehehehehe.

Satan couldn’t have done a better job of fucking things up if you shoved a large icicle up his arse.