Over the last 6/7 months that I’ve been moonlighting as a DJ, I’ve noticed this horrible tendency of Delhiites (and outsiders…those whiny ones who keep bitching about Delhi) to equate ‘rock music’ with the following songs (Readers, I may have missed out a few here. Feel free to add to the list):

- Summer of ‘69 – You got your first real 6-string at a five-n-dime? Kitni achhi baat hai. Did you also, perchance, learn to play guitar at one? Do tell. Because, fuck me, mate, you haven’t progressed beyond a D-A-D-A progression since! (Oh, oh, oh….there’s a B-minor in the chorus!!! Happy, happy, joy, joy!!!! *@#$%#)

- Sweet Child O’ Mine – Every kid’s foray into the world of the heavier forms of rock almost always begins with this one. On the odd day, it’s a nice enough song. But PLEASE, G ‘n R recorded 5 albums before Axl took his sabbatical to study Asian political theory. These albums have many other brilliant songs. So if I play, say, Mr. Brownstone or Get in the Ring or Ain’t It Fun, please do NOT come whining for S.C.O.M. because you want to “headbang to G ‘n R”. You might end up missing some body parts. I mean it.

- It’s My Life – And then we have the gang, which ‘discovered’ Bon Jovi after this miserable single was released, and thinks this is the best thing to hit rock n roll after Elvis and crotch-hugging pants. I’ve always felt this band was a lot of wasted talent (listen to Richie Sambora’s solo work and you’ll know why).

- Roadhouse Blues – Yes, I KNOW it’s The DOORS. I KNOW that I’m stepping on too many toes here. But, in my defence, I reiterate what I wrote for S.C.O.M.

- Du Hast – Avant garde headbanger, this one. But please, it died out around the same time Matrix Reloaded hit the screens. Even Rammstein stopped playing it at their live gigs. Let it go.

- In the End (and songs by bands who think deliberately misspelling their names equals creativity).

- “We Don’t Need No/Any/An/The Education” Step 1 – Get the name right; Step 2 – Ask politely, and thou shall receive; Step 3 – If thou cannot ask politely, thou shall not ask. Thou shall wait, patiently. This one shall always be played.

- Dancing Queen – Since when did ABBA become a part of the rock brigade?
*Update: Vanilla Syrup was kind enough to add to this list. And I'd forgotten one plum pick.
- Smells Like Teen Spirit - Ok. I guess this is one over-played song that still warrants being played. But don't come begging for it. I will play it. When I feel the time is ripe. I mean, it's kind of silly to be playing 'Wish You Were Here', and then suddenly jumping into Nirvana!!!!
- Hotel California – How could I have EVER forgotten this one?!!
(I also realise the formatting for this post has gone for a toss.)

There is a reason why I will absolutely NOT play these songs. It’s called terminal boredom. Stagnation. The fact that if pubs / bars / clubs (and the regular patrons) wanted the same 10 songs to last the entire evening, then there’d be no need to have a DJ, right (Er. That’s 3 reasons). It’s not that I hate these songs (ok, I hate It’s My Life)…I’m just plain fed up with them being recycled everywhere I go.

‘Rock’, ‘rock n roll’, ‘metal’, ‘alternative’….these terms can barely define the bottomless pit the genre’s become. I don’t expect people to be well-acquainted with all of it (Hell, I’m definitely not). But please do me a favour!? Be honest and don’t call yourself a ‘rock fan’ if these songs are the only ones you’ve ever heard, or ever want to hear.

*I obviously sound pissed off and angsty here. I am, to a certain extent. I opened my Inbox this morning to find a forwarded speech…one of those feelgood ones, you know the type. Normally, I delete this stuff. Today, I was livid when I first read it. Livid, not with any particular person, but livid with myself. A small extract from this speech (which, upon further reflection, made a fair bit of sense):

“There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree: there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk, or your life on a bus, or in a car, or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank accounts but also your soul….People don't talk about the soul very much anymore. It's so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is cold comfort on a winter's night, or when you're sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you've received your test results and they're not so good… ... …think of life as a terminal illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived” - Anna Quindlen

Should I treat my life as a terminal illness? I’ve treated it like an annoying head cold so far. So maybe I need an upgrade, ja?

Last night was one of the worst ones I’ve had in a long, long time. Partly thanks to certain unforeseeable (or maybe not) circumstances, and partly because of a realisation of what I’ve become; or what I’ve been (unsuccessfully) trying to become – a 'Happy Person'. I’m a champ at making the people around me smile and feel good about themselves. Are you ill? Depressed? Feelin’ them bluueeess? Come sit next to Unca Crowley. He’ll have you in splits in a jiffy, sure as yer squattin’ there.

But I suck at doing the same for myself. So, why bother? I was born a grouch. I’ve been labeled a grouch throughout school and law school and at work. It’s the way I express myself best. So, onward Christian soldier.

To quote Alice Cooper, “No more Mr. Nice Guy”.

Mr. Crowley’s back. All aboard the Crazy Train…hehehehehe.

15 Scallywags have walked the Plank |:

siropdevanille said...

Haahahahahhaa!!! I love it when people go upto the DJ and say, "thoda rock chalade yaar.. kuch GnR, kuch Nirvana, kuch Bon Jovi..." What they mean is SCOM, Smells like Teen Spirit (although I will always like Nirvana... people just don't know any other songs by the band, bleh!), and Bon Jovi... hmmm... I hate "It's my Life" too. HATE it.

I scribble here said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
I scribble here said...

haha!!
It is quite a common scene in Delhi. I have seen people requesting for "smack that" and "lonely" at TC. Usually i love people watching at such places :D
Hey, but i love road house blues!
BTW, u owe me a drink ;)

mistercrowley said...

@ vanilla syrup: y'know...someone used that very line 2 days ago :) it's most irritating...i mean...there's a hajaar places you can get crap music...go there...

@ scribbled: don't get me started on hip-hop...it brings out the violent caveman in me :P I woe you a drink? Really? Hang on...were you the anon commentor from 4 posts back? :)

I scribble here said...

yep that would be me.
u infact "inspired" me to start scribbling in the electronic medium. i know., its nothing close to what u write.. but whateva!
keep writting.

mistercrowley said...

@ scribbled: and for that I thank you from the bottom of my own black heart :D everyone should scribble, i feel....but take heed, it's hugely addictive ;) look me up whenever for that drink :), I'm sure you have a good idea of where I'm going to buy you one (i.e., if you're familiar with Delhi)

I scribble here said...

know delhi did u say!!? spent the most sane span of my life there.
so yeah, the drink is due :)

siropdevanille said...

Please don't kill someone while DJing ... Please! Hehe!

mistercrowley said...

@ syrup: I almost did, last night....one of these days I'm gonna have to find me a good criminal lawyer..just in case, y'know ;)

Akaash said...

I would kill for Metallica, but there is no way you can keep the clichéd goodness of Nothing Else Matters from making that list.

mistercrowley said...

@ aakash: Well, much as it breaks my heart to say this, but yes...NEM would also make this list...though I still play it regularly, depending on the mood of the folks in Blues

a fan apart said...

a piece waiting to be written. i have some horrors to add to the list:
1. last kiss (pearl jam): why why why why is it so popular? above average vocal, not much else...
2. the final countdown, eye of the tiger and other synthesiser-driven monstrosities

mistercrowley said...

@ a fan apart: Bang on....also, for some reason, I want to add Collective Soul's 'Shine' to this list.

Shruti Rajagopalan said...

Well I think Stairway to Heaven. I love the song, love the band, but in re: what you say about SCOM and Roadhouse Blues......

mistercrowley said...

@ shruti: Hmm....possibly....though I'll admit I still play it....but usually towards the end of the night, when people are slowly slipping into alcohol induced stupor, and the temptation to nod off at your table seems too great :)