December’s still a ways off, but hey, it’s good to have your Christmas list ready early. Considering stock market crashes and global recession, Santa might just decide to cut his world tour short this year.

I don’t (usually) celebrate Christmas. Matter of fact, I don’t celebrate anything. Except, perhaps, not getting mown down by a drunk truck driver every night.

But still. The things I’d like for Christmas (I’m quite sure I’m not getting squat, but one lives in hope):

1. This little monster. The kit in the picture, I mean, not Neil Peart. (Mommy, can I be like Chris Adler when I grow up?)


2. This über sleek writing instrument. It looks like it can break Mach 2 on a lazy Sunday.

3. This swank replacement for my existing faux Blackberry. I used to own a for-real B’berry at one point during my corporate whore-killer years. And then my present boss pinched it. Or borrowed it, as he likes to say.

4. This tome of progressive enlightenment.

5. And more than anything else, I want bushel-loads of these. And I shall use a chainsaw on anyone who dares to pinch even one fucking crumb. I mean it.

26 Scallywags have walked the Plank |:

Joe said...

perfectly reasonable expectations of an aspiring pirate. everything save the berry appear to be goodies from distant shores.

Mister Crowley said...

Oh no. Only the book is available on distant shores. The rest you can get here only, in good old Dahlee.

Nimpipi said...

(you edited to add DT book then, doesn't show in ze feed reader.)

choco pie is disgusting, whats wrong with you?! still, probably the cheapest, nahi? Even I can get you that -- good Samaritan that i am.

Nimpipi said...

i don't know why s is uppercase.

could do with that pen though. puhrty.

Mister Crowley said...

Pip: Well, I like chocopie, and that's tha :P
Yes, I forgot to add the DT book the first time I posted :) Kinni observant kudi haigi ji ;)

Bluestreak said...

You might be right and Santa Clause might skip town this year. Isn´t there some religion where you´re not allowed to celebrate holidays. I might convert. That said, hope you get all that shit you want, and still avoiding drunk truck drivers. However, I hate nice pens. They´re always too heavy. And Chocopies? Never heard of them. But I want Little Debbie anything. Or Girl Scout Cookies.

Purely Narcotic said...

We'll toss some Cheesecake crumbs at you while you're getting your hands dirty with chocopies.

Does this mean as December draws near, there will be more stuff added to this list? Give the elves a break already!

PS. I know you love the Alphabet but please get rid of that word verification. Please?

D said...

Don't know about Santa's budget, but you can count on me to get you a box of those cookies! :D For the rest of the stock, Santa can pitch in!

a million different people said...

Um, chocopie is tasty and all, but it gets on your teeth and you have to spend a while undoing that and that is a pain.

What you need is cupcakes from ACF. Of course, distant shores need to be fitted into the equation then.

Mister Crowley said...

Bluestreak: Yes, there is such a religion. It's called Crowlism. Feel free to join :) At this point, I'm happy to settle for a box of Oreos.

Narco: Crowley's been a good lad this year. He deserves a long list ;)

D: So sweet :)

AMDP: Gets on your teeth? I suppose it would. I mean, you are eating it aren't you?

chandni said...

Gosh I hate chocopie.

But you can tick that off the list...will get u that for christmas :)

chandni said...

a lot of people getting you that.

Oh.

But you want truck loads so its ok!

Mister Crowley said...

Chandu: Thenkyew, thenkyew. But mera 'secret' christmas gift toh mere ko mil raha hai, anyway ;)

Rassles said...

Dude, Choco Pies blow. I always expect them to have peanut butter in them, and when they don't I throw the box and lie on the couch, unfulfilled.

Mister Crowley said...

Raz: Peanut butter? They have peanut butter-filled ones too? I WANTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.....MY PRECIOUSSSES

chandni said...

The girlfriend must be visiting.

men are sooooooo predictable :D

Mister Crowley said...

Chandu: Yes, well. I don't have the benefit of living with one, see (a man, i.e., thankfully)..... ;)

Purely Narcotic said...

Screw the lists, Set up a fund- 'Crowley's Christmas Gift Fund'. That way you won't have *only* choco-pies in the stocking, and in tune with the spirit of Christmas it will warm the cockles of our hearts to know that we all made one Crowley a happy Pirate :D

Mister Crowley said...

Crowley's Fund? Now this is what I call a perfect gift ;)

Perakath said...

Well hel-lo, number 4!

(I don't care about chocopies and the like.)

Mukta said...

You like choco-pies? Really? My roomie got some hundred boxes here and I can't bear to be around the, Shall send them to you and be rid of that stuff! Hey! THAT's what I wanted for christmas and its already come true! :-D

Mister Crowley said...

Mukta: Send, I say. What're you waiting for, woman?

Rassles said...

No, they don't have peanut butter ones. If they DID have peanut butter ones, I would be all up in that shit. I would start a ChocoPie smear campaign, where I smear myself. With ChocoPies.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

The choco pies remind me of The Green Mile when that crazy guy spit them all over the guard's face. Every time I see them, I throw up in my mouth a little.

Mukta said...

am waiting for...Christmas! HEE HEE HEE!

Mister Crowley said...

Raz: Hey! Maybe we could start a new range of peanut-butter chocopies....and make DPH our brand ambassador ;D

DPH: See above, fellow Pirate ;)