On hotels and air travel

And so another eventful, yet fruitless, trip to "God's Own Country" ends. Thanks to several 6 hour-long journeys across the country, stuffed in the back of an aircraft, Crowley's spine, legs, and other anatomical appendages, are bent into all sorts of funny shapes.

Nevertheless, a few observations.

What Crowley likes about hotels:

• LOTS of running hot water (despite the fact that Crowley is NOT from a "third world city with no hot water at all") (I remember that little remark, EverReddy. I shall have my revenge someday :-P);
• Room service (need I say more?);
• Large plasma TVs with attached surround sound system (though they could use some help with positioning the damn speakers. People do like Dolby Surround when they're watching TV while in bed);
• The fact that even if you want a small comb at 4 a.m....you WILL get one. Just ask. Tip accordingly.

What Crowley does not like about hotels:

• Beds. Crowley hates hotel beds. It feels as if you're sleeping on a tank of Jell-O. And don't let those big, white, fluffy pillows fool you. Take it from a guy with a bent spine. Those things are evil (unless you're a diminutive, 5 ft something girl, in which case you don't need the mattress...just use the pillow to sleep on).

What Crowley likes about air travel:

• The seats at the very end of the aircraft. Yes, they're right next to the loos and the galley, so it can get a mite fragrant. BUT, you can get off the plane right away. Nobody else ever wants these seats, so you can, at some point, put up the arm rests and stretch out over 3 seats. Which means (a) more leg room and (b) space to do stuff like peck away on your laptop (plus all the nice stewardess women congregate at this end of the aircraft, especially on a long flight);
• The engine noise usually drowns out random conversations and bawling babies;
• Cool gimmicks like the nose-wheel camera in Kingfisher flights, which plays live shots of the plane taking off and landing and stuff, and you can see the land/sea pass below the aircraft. Ok, it sounds a bit nerdy. I'm an aviation junkie, so sue me;
• The little plastic spoons you get in Jet Airways for stirring tea/coffee. They serve no other purpose, really (ok. they're good for serving saunf and stuff like that). But I still collect them in the vain hope that someday I may find a use for them.

What Crowley hates about air travel:

• Alleged increases in leg-room in economy class travel. There aren't any! Sure, you ripped out one whole row from the aircraft. So that you can add half an inch more of leg-room for all the other rows. It's pointless. Why do you even try?
• Stewardesses in Indian Airlines…or is it Indian? Or Air India? Oh, whatever. These creatures remind me of my Hindi Teacher in school. I did not like my Hindi teacher in school. Or out of it, for that matter.
• The "In-Flight Executives" in private airlines (read: Head Honcho of the cabin crew). They're the ones who usually make all the bone announcements like "Walkum to Indira Gandhi Inter...I beg your pardon...Dahlee International Airport's Domestic Terminal. The tamparature outside is twintytoo degreez".
• Speaking of general steward / stewardess deportment, Crowley hates it when he's faced with "vegrnunvegmillsur?" ("Veg or non-veg meal, sir?"). See, if you can't ask it properly, or you need to run to the loo or whatever (because you certainly seem to be in that kind of a hurry) then DON'T ASK!!! I'm sure somebody on the aircraft can write. Label the food. Use sign language. This kind of stuff saves you the embarassment of people asking you "Whaa??". It also makes air travel extremely interesting (Are you listening, Naresh Goyal? Yeah, I'm leaving these big, fat hints for YOU).
• In-flight catering. All right. I admit. I acted cheap (like half the world) and bought check-fare tickets. But, surely, you could feed me food that tastes of something other than cardboard? I'll even settle for something that tastes like bubblegum foil (this comment is not directed towards Kingfisher, though. They serve the most delectable dessert).

And, yeah, there’s a dozen other things I can rant about. But I really need to go get a drink, so, some other time, I suppose.