Let’s say you suffer from this obscure malady, where you can’t survive on anything except, oh, mineral water. Let’s also say that there’s only one place, close to where you live, were you can get your hands on mineral water. So, you visit this place pretty regularly, yes? I mean, you would, wouldn’t you, Elixir of Life and all that?

Let’s say, every now and then, along come some twits, who whine, stamp their feet, and generally create a scene, because they don’t want mineral water to be served AT ALL. They’d rather have, say, Moët & Chandon, Grand Vintage.

Why? It’s not because they appreciate good champagne. In fact, I bet every hair on my beard, that, if you served these nincompoops a glass of horse-piss with soda bubbles in, they’d be convinced it was avant garde bubbly.

No. They want champagne because it’s “kewl”. It’s the “in thing”. It’s what you should be drinking when you’re out on a Friday night, with a fat wad of cash or plastic in your hip pocket. It’s what you should ask for when your over-dressed, room temperature IQ, girlfriend slobbers in your ear, “Bayyybeee. I wanna pah-ty, baybeee”. It’s what you order for when you don’t give a fuck that a bunch of people around you are dying because YOU are depriving them of their life-giving l’eau minérale.

Now, picture this little tableau in terms of music. You land up at one of 3 establishments in this fair city of ours, that plays good rock on a daily basis. You see hordes of people hoisting their beer mugs and singing along to AC/DC and Steppenwolf. Your babe doesn’t like this. She wants Akon. What do you do? You walk up to the DJ and demand that the music be changed. The DJ tells you to take a hike. You cook up excuses like, “It’s my girlfriend’s birthday”, “We’ve waited so long. Now that we’re going, the least you can do is…”, and “It’s my friend’s birthday. He’s asking for it…

Doesn’t work? You go complain to the club manager, who tells you to fuck off. You pull out your shoe phone and start dropping names. Manager gives in and tells the DJ to switch to hip hop. 70 other rock lovers in the club curse the DJ for the rest of his life.

Net result: You’ve just proved that it takes one solitary arsehole to kill a great evening.

Watch out, my lovelies. One of these days Crowley’s going to blow the dust off his chainsaw.

27 Scallywags have walked the Plank |:

Perakath said...

Wow what a convoluted analogy, with the water and the wine!

But you, Mr DJ, why do you carry the hip-hop?

siropdevanille said...

WOW! Akon!!! WOOWWWWW.

Moet Chandon is niiiccceee only when it's on company expense! Huaahahhahaaa! But water sir, water we buy, for water makes us frequent them places ;)

mistercrowley said...

Per: This DJ doesn't carry any hiphop (yech)...the goddamn house DJ does, unfortunately....

Syrup: Actually, I apologise to all and sundry for drawing analogies between Moet et Chandon and hiphop.....

siropdevanille said...

Why thank you!
That was a very mean thing to do! Incorrect analogy!

mistercrowley said...

Syrup: Kindly go back to balancing your books.
Hang on, you don't balance them, right?
Ok. Kindly go back to making tax look prettier ;)

a fan apart said...

Why does Akon exist? Did we in some convoluted way create him? Is he a manifestation of society's failings? Is he an avenging angel, sent down to ensnare us in an unending spiral of sin and **HIT** radio? Is he really asking for forgiveness? Does he already know?

mistercrowley said...

Fan Apart: I've stopped trying to wonder why. It's pointless. I mean, you look at BB King, Muddy Waters etc...and then you see THESE creatures....and you wonder where mankind went wrong...

Mukta said...

Hmmm..maybe you need a manager with a better build.

I must confess though...I like Akon..Bellydancer was something I sang in copious amounts at one time. (Dodging chainsaw now.)

:-D

siropdevanille said...

HAW.

I hate my job. Don't remind me or make fun of me/the job. GAH.

mistercrowley said...

Syrup: ;)

randomrobin said...

ha, ha ha poor you.
See now if you were in Bombay this would never, ever happen!
Okay, maybe not.
PS: I like mineral water, champange is so last decade. I don't know what twats you've been hanging around.

mistercrowley said...

Robin: Yeah, well...I'm in Delhi, and I'm hell bent on setting this little problem right ;P

Impulsively Me said...

I get pissed when my request for a Pink Floyd song gets overruled and the DJ plays Scorpions to end the evening!
:)

mistercrowley said...

Ah well....yes, I agree..Floyd is a much better way to end the evening :)

Inayat said...

room temperature level IQ, nail on the head :D

and man do i hear you on this one, at first it was a joke, haha delhi is so hiphop and bollywood and you grimace and go along, but now, it's just plain painful - that stuffs for shaadis ONLY.

mistercrowley said...

Inayat: Yep. Probably the only thing I detest about Delhi. And it's worse at weddings.....my ears start to bleed everytime I hear Billo Rani..gah

I scribble here said...

i go to an upmarket pub here on a "Electro & Latin House" special night and end up listening to, "ey hiphopper".. the point being its not just dilli,or probably they are every-where now :/

mistercrowley said...

Scribbler: It's a plague, I tell you

chandni said...

"shudders"

Incorrect analogy may be, but it worked.

I am a worried girl now....I hope MY fav places don't do this to me!

where all in delhi do u prefer to hang out?

mistercrowley said...

Moonshine: My hair grayed with worry a long time ago :P

Crowley can be found hanging upside down usually at Blues (CP)...sometimes also terrorize people at Morrison/Opus

chandni said...

Blues is my fav hang out and I am quite a regular there!!! (Read: all waiters/dj/manager know me)

Love Morrison...but it gets too crowded on sat nites for my liking..but Opus is not fun. Not anymore. Now that TC has bought it.....may be its in the hand over stange...the last time I wen, they were seriously short on good alcohol!

ps: I love blues all the more as they're the only place who play Indian Ocean with alarming regularity!

mistercrowley said...

Regular? Really? I'm there most days too....but only post 9:30/10....maybe you've asked me to play stuff too :) Not Indian Ocean...9 times out of 10, I would've refused...I like their music....but it's bugging when people want it smack in the middle of a rock n roll set....it's something I'd play towards the end of the night....

chandni said...

very possible that I must have asked you....

But Indian ocean plays really early....never towards the end.

I usually request songs by floyd, REM, Metallica and Coldplay....sent across written on a tissue :)

Rings any bells? when all do u play there?? coz the foto seems unfamiliar....

mistercrowley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mistercrowley said...

I play thursdays...but also any other day when I can get the time (except Friday, which is hiphop night at Blues...yuk)...

You can tell when I'm playing....I'm usually dressed in my court clothes...

chandni said...

hmmmmm.. will look out for you the next time :)

Fridays honestly suck at Blues

Anonymous said...

it is indeed true that one person can ruin a great evening ..

so many times it is like chokin on a bad seed..no one knows the mood of the evenin-musically - better than the DJ ..its part of his job descrip for cryin out loud :D..

And ppl do end up cursin the DJ for apparently no fault of his .. sad but true ..